Throwing a simple, eco-conscious wedding is more of a struggle than I thought it would be.  As my mother is paying for (and orchestrating) much of it, my fiancé and I are beset with certain limitations. It was fruitless, for example, to plead my case against a wedding cake. I’ve found the flavor of wedding cakes to be mediocre at best, and they just didn’t seem worth the money or hassle. Yet, they are tradition, and my family didn’t want to hear of my wedding without one. (And, I didn’t even want to attempt to ask a vegan cake and meal!)

This brings to the forefront the struggle between our personal convictions and the world. How strongly do we push for our ideologies, when they butt up against our family and tradition? The dream of an all-green, elegant, simple wedding may simply be too idealistic…as we also have to think of the desires and enjoyment of the friends and family who will be there. I just don’t have the heart to deny the mother my joy of seeing me smoosh a piece of wedding cake into my groom’s face…and so I acquiesce.

In the meantime, I try to slip slivers of myself into the planning: I print my invitations on recycled paper, I buy vintage wedding bands instead of new, I create a registry that let’s our guests donate to animal welfare causes in our names. And, most importantly, I’m having a small, intimate ceremony with our families and few close friends. Perhaps not my ideal wedding, but one that is perfect, because I am marrying my soulmate, and because it will create memories that all of us will cherish.

What are your thoughts on compromising your ideals for harmony with family and friends? Where is that balance? It’s a question I continually struggle with.

(photo by allyrose18 (cc))

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